10 märki, et oled üle küla kuulus/10 signs you’re a local celebrity

1) Kohalik inglise keele õpetaja küsib sult tunni ajal täiesti lambist „Do you want to live with me?“ sest arvab, et sul on kurb ilma ingliskeelsete inimesteta elada. Ei loe, et enamasti suhtlete selguse huvides vene keeles.

2) Mägedes jalutades kappab su juurde pangaröövli mütsi kandev vanamees, annab sulle hobuse ja ütleb, et „davai, mine ja ratsuta ka“. Vaevalt paarisaja meetri järel jookseb ta sulle järele ning võtab oma ratsu tagasi, sest tema lambad on võimalust kasutanud ja salakavalalt laiali jooksnud.

1) You’re giving an English lesson at the local school. Students are reading something when suddenly the local teacher walks in and asks you „Do you want to live with me?“. It turns out that she thinks you must be sad to live with a family who mostly cannot speak English. It doesn’t matter that for mutual understanding you need to speak Russian with the teacher as well.

2) You walk in the mountains when a man looking like a bank robber stops his horse and says „Davai, go and have a ride!“.  After 200 meters he runs to you to take his horse back because his clever sheep used the moment to run away.

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3) Kõik näivad sind teadvat, aga sina ei tea kedagi. Ja kui seltskond läheb järsku vene keelelt üle Kõrgõzstani keelele, võid olla kindel, et nad arutavad su võimalikke mehekandidaate.

4) Sind saadab tänaval jalutades pidev „Hello-what’s-your-name?“ koor iga põnni suust, kes juhtub väljas mängima. Ja kui sa ekslikult võid vahel arvata, et oled üksi, siis kostub järsku kuskilt meeletut kopsimist, aknad lendavad lahti ning keegi karjub sulle õnnelikult „Hello!“.

5) Kui lapsed piirduvad „Hello“ karjumise ja lehvitamisega, siis täiskasvanud… „kust sa pärit oled, mis sa teed, kus sa elad, kellega sa elad, kas sul lapsi on, miks sul lapsi pole, kui vana sa oled, kas sulle meeldib Kõrgõzstan, miks sulle meeldib Kõrgõzstan, kas sulle hobused meeldivad, kui külm on Eestis, kas sa tuled suvel tagasi, tule külla“.

6) Keset küla asuvast kraanist, mis meenutab külmunud vee tõttu pigem parajat jäämäge, komistab kõva kolakaga alla umbes 3-aastane jõmpsikas. Selle asemel, et nutma hakata (ma oleks hakanud) ajab poiss silmad suureks ja vaatab sind sellise pilguga, nagu ta oleks just veepangest kuldkalakese leidnud.

7) Kohalik muslimi pere, kelle juures sa elad ja kes vastavalt usule sealiha ei söö, leiab sulle appi-tõesti-jumal-teab-kust-kohast-siin-islamiriigis sealihasingi. See ei loe, et sa liha eriti üldse ei söö. Te seal Euroopas ju armastate seda.

3) Everyone seems to know you but you don’t know anyone. If the group of the people you’re talking with in Russian suddenly changes to Kyrgyz you can be sure they are discussing about potential husband candidates to marry you. 

4) While walking on the street there’s a constant choir following you: „Hello-what’s-your-name?“. If you at one point think that you’re alone and there are no children around, you hear a desperate knocking, someone is trying to open the window and when it finally happens you hear the most happy „HELLO!“ in your life.

5) When the children limit themselves with only saying „Hello“ then the adults… „Where are you from, what are you doing, where do you live, with whom do you live, do you have children, why don’t you have children, how old are you, do you like Kyrgyzstan, why do you like Kyrgyzstan, do you like horses, how cold is it in Estonia, do you come back in the summer, come to visit me“. 

6) There’s a tap in the middle of the village which looks like a small hill of ice during the winter. A little 3-year old boy falls down, hits his head but doesn’t start crying (I would have). He just stares at you. It seems like he had found a golden fish from his bottle of water.

7) The local Muslim family you’re living with and who [according to their beliefs] don’t eat pork buys you really-who-knows-from-which-magical-place a ham made out of pork. It doesn’t matter that they know you usually don’t eat meat at all. You are from Europe and Europeans love meat, right?

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8) Naabrid tulevad külla õlle ja pähklitega, et sind näha ja küsida, kas nad tohivad tuua oma lapsi sinu juurde inglise keelt praktiseerima.

9) Kogukonnal valmib riukalik plaan panna sind vana-aasta õhtul ukselt uksele käima, jõuluvana kostüüm seljas ja kaasas kommid headele lastele [kahjuks läksin enne seda külast ära].

10) Sa annad oma viimase tunni kohalikus külakoolis ja vanemad lapsed küsivad su Instagrami. Kirjutad selle tahvlile ja pisemad maalivad selle hoolikalt vihikusse, sest arvavad, et see on järgmine kodutöö. Mõni päev hiljem avastad heldimusega, et mõni neist on konto loonud üksnes selleks, et sind jälgida.

PS! VÕTA EESKUJU. JÄLGI MEID SIIN: https://www.instagram.com/wanderselltravels/

8) Your neighbours come to visit you with local beer and nuts to ask if they can bring their children over to practice their English.

9) The community plans to make you play Santa Claus on New Year’s Eve [„You go door by door and give candies to the children!“]. [I was actually really sad that I couldn’t make it and had to leave before].

10) You gave your last English lesson at the local school and the older students ask for your Instagram. You write it on the board and the little students write it into their notebooks [„hmm, it must be a next task…“]. After some days you discover that some of them had made their own accounts just to follow you.

PS. FOLLOW US: https://www.instagram.com/wanderselltravels/

dav

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